he was(delete)

He ran. He ran through the path hiding in the forest that he’s kept it as his own secret. He didn’t look back even. His heartbeat hurt himself and his sweat cried him to hurry and he just ran, as fast as possible.
The people would come soon after him, and so would their fire. Then there was not any moment left for him. He knew that so he burned the tears by the heat from the air.

When he ran into the small valley, he saw the girl sitting there in these poppies as usual. Then the way she eyed him was misting liked it was always. It made him doubt. It made all the things liked right and no nightmare anymore. It made all the fire just liked his bad dream.
But the fire lit the midnight sky telling him that his world was burning down and so was he if he didn’t start to run then.
‘They’re coming. We, we must go. Follow me, I know the way… I…’ He bit his lip, and he felt the blood heated his throat. The girl kept looking at him like she didn’t know what he was talking about at all.
‘Who? What? Why we have to go?’ She said, slowly, with her light voice. He noticed that her hair in the fire-light would show a color which like the torch lighting under the sea. Don’t know how and why, the view brought something here and made him felt illusory, unnatural, insane and despair, but no even fear and sadness.
‘Because…’ Words were getting hard and hard to say. Fire let the wet go away from the air, and he felt thirsty. ‘Because their fire will burn here.’
After he said, the report bombed above their heads and the light brighted the valley. He tried to call her name, but then he remembered that he didn’t even know her name puzzling.
That was the first time her pale face be full of wavering terror.
At the first second he guessed that just a mistaken impression but her thin drowned voice cut cross the bomb and told him that how true everything was.
‘Can’t stop them?’
‘No, I can’t.’
He wanted to hit himself when he faced her sadly weakness and he couldn’t do anything for her.
‘But, but I know how to hide and I know the way goes to the town. I can protect you, I can, I can take you away.’ With his saying, he saw that the shine in her eyes became darker and darker. Fears climbed upon his root of the tongue and ran up to the nose and eyes. He heard his voice shaking. He almost forgot to say the heaviest words.
‘Please go with me, won’t you?’

As soon as she shook her head slowly but steadily, the fire came closer and closer and reded all his views ate up her body. His eyes was blinded by the heat, and he smelled the poppies burnt. He started shouting and shaking his hands, but he caught nothing. He knew that guys would burn down these poppies, he knew they want to kill his helpless sick homeland.

Suddenly, he found what name is that girl’s.
He found the poppy-color eyes the girl has, he found all the midnight date in the poppies, he found the story of her and her bunt ground, he found all the things he blinded to in the memories between them.

He cried, cried for his stupid, cried for his whole world’s death.
There was nothing left but himself, so he turned back and ran, closing his hurt eyes and feeling the heat smelling the scent, finding the exit-way.
He ran.



100-74

標籤： 布幕之後。

我知道，某些事情是在覺得很幸福的時候不應該想起的。我想沒有誰是毫無防備的，學會忘記東西在必要的時刻，不過是另外的一種，手段。重要的，不想傷害自己的手段。
但是想不起，絕不是忘記了。
忘記了會是另外一種更悲愴而不幸的方式。

唉。真實是如此血腥的簡單。

標籤： 日記似的。

Victory － victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory, how ever long and hard the road may be; fir(=because?) without victory, there is no survival.

這是聯絡簿的每日一句。(微笑)

標籤： 日記似的。

連續病假害我很想直接在這篇的開頭就罵髒話，不過想想也沒什麼意義。(值得一提亦相當有趣的是，最近，我很容易就在打字的時候打出髒話，不過平時講話卻連"豬"之類的字彙都滿少想到的。)
而且要不是我這兩天假日也有偷懶不然趕完也不是說多難，只能說我自作孽啊，只能剛剛好地趕上了。這情況下一定要達到最有效率的方式才行。好累，想到就覺得。

不過其實我是想控訴。

這根本可愛到犯罪了嘛，是犯罪。
──最近只要看到那些照片就忍不住這麼想。

(3/23+)
今天心裡面一直揮之不去的吐槽。

騙人的吧。(← 一秒)

左邊那個根本就是惡意裝可愛。(認真)

結論: 這個先天麗質後天保養太好的傢伙實在是太犯法了。

標籤： 日記似的。

灰白的空氣，風輕輕打亂了乾癟的蘆葦，淺淺的水那樣清又那樣輕地敲擊著石頭，激出細細潺潺的聲響。河面那個倒影眼神曖曖辨不出色彩，長又密的瀏海擋住了上方冷然的陽光，陷在淡淡陰影中的半張臉，好像，似乎，氳噙著晦澀。於是一圈圈的波紋打亂了這令人鬱悶的畫面，打起漣漪的石子落在河床上時的鈍痛是如此響亮。
橋上的少年收回目光撇過頭。
「你不要那樣看我。知不知道你這模樣很讓人厭煩？」風微微打散劉海，從髮絲的空隙間洩出的目光相當模糊不清。他無法理解對方的語言，涵義扼殺在表面的不耐裡，他試都沒試便放棄解讀。(拐彎抹角，不干不脆曖昧不明無聊瑣碎，又窮極心力，多累。要打啞謎隨他去，但他懶得去思考答案。)
「你根本什麼都不懂。」回敬更加不耐煩的聲音，他的目光再度落回大溝裡清澈出奇的淺流。
跟著，對方的倒影急促地踱進水面，硬生生擠入他的視線。
「你什麼都不說，你以為我能懂些什麼？」
他們的身影隨著水流顫抖著，他盯著橋下那雙依舊模糊卻因喪氣的憤怒而明亮的目光，發現他們頭頂的天空是那麼廣那麼高那麼蒼茫，那麼黯淡。

標籤： 布幕之後。

我有點不懂我自己。
組成的結構好複雜，愛憎好惡擁有很多套標準，像是拿好幾個角度好幾個人說話一樣。無法以一定的思想和風格行事。這並不算是真正的分裂，可，僅用籠統的大原則是不成的。
我不喜歡這樣。
就像手放到鍵盤上後必須抉擇字元間的語調、拉動捲軸的習慣、創造世界還是挖掘自己的世界。沒有主見是成不了大事的。

順便一提我很喜歡這句話: 「每個小孩子小時候都夢想過挖一個大洞一路通到中國。」 (大致上是這樣)
這是以前看的小說裡出現的。

標籤： 日記似的。

文字也可以令人窒息，扼殺；可是聲光除了令人顫抖的氣息之外，還有揮之不去不容置喙的具體呈現。 讓人束手無策。讓我束手無策。
(我現在非常想去看小時候的童書，那些故事溫柔到令人想嘆息，但是實在太晚了，我快在螢幕前睡著了。)

標籤： 日記似的。

這是自作自受。
今天天氣太好害我忍不住開窗戶，到了晚上河堤那頭的風全湧到我的房間來，蘆葦泥土河水的味道，偏偏我還在聽那幾首歌。牙齦打顫，腹部絞痛(輕度)，雞皮疙瘩跟發軟。冬天過太久，害我忘了除了雨天之外連這些都得堤防。

小時候我對那些太親切的人中毒(不過不是算冷漠了就是走遠了)，在那之後我又對二次元虛像中毒，連帶導致我對之後類似物品全免疫(毒性太低了，完全不夠看。)。

敢情好我可再承受不起對任何東西中毒了，那些經驗夠可怕了，何況我哪有閑去迷戀或者勒戒。

所以現在這種狀況讓我頭皮發麻心裡發毛，如果因為這樣子又敗下來就太慘了。

標籤： 日記似的。